meh

i'm sad. i don't know why. i just get these random spells of depression. i feel like i have all this time, but it's not enough time to actually do anything, so i just sit around and feel sad and lonely and more depressed. it confuses me. working out for cheerleading wasn't very good. it made me feel distant from the team. but we still have practice later tonight so maybe that will be better. i also feel bad about myself cause i'm eating too much and not healthily. sucks. i just have to keep looking forward to going home in ELEVEN days!! i don't know what is up with me but i don't like it. and i'm pretty much over htb which is good (hopefully he doesn't read this anymore, but if he does then HEY HOMELESS TERRY BERNARD) i rarely think about him anymore, but sometimes when i do it makes me sad. then i get to thinking about other stuff and stupid boy stuff and it just makes me sadder. i feel icky. that's the only word i can think of to describe it. i just feel gross and like crying and throwing up all the grossness. i guess that's about all i have to say for now. oh and i miss my family and the good times with them. this past weekend they were all in NJ for my great aunt's 70th birthday party on the beach and all this crap. my mom called me to tell me all the funny happy things that happened to make me feel like i had been there but it just made me feel worse. i miss my graduation party so badly.


"and i'm crying inside and nobody knows it but me."