today sucks popsicles. i have my first two hardest exams tomorrow, physics and math. math i'm really worried about because i forget how to do everything and that could turn out to be a very bad problem. physics on the other hand, i don't care too much about. although i know it will be hard, i made up a theory. which is that i've never understood anything we've done in that class all year long, so why start now? i've maintained a b- average and the last test we took i got an 84, which is quite amazing considering other test grades. so i say to myself, whatev. i'll probably do bad, but i don't care. because physics is just that kind of class. oh btw, here is something funny mr. marrash said the other day: "Electrons are wee baby particles that whizz around in an atom..." thanks mr. marrash. i'm sorry that just cracked me up. everyday is an adventure in that class, an absolute adventure. seriously i really need to study. but i cannot visualize myself doing it and i have to babysit, which minuses time that i need to try and make myself study. and Sarah wants to go to Duchess tonight, cause we have no young life and so do i DUH, but look at me...i'm a mess. i'm dead. i'm dying. i asked christine dempsey when we got off the bus, if i stood in front of it would it hit me? who says that? me. that's how bad i am not wanting to have take exams tomorrow. i don't really want to die don't worry, i just want them to be over. what i really want actually is this. cause see i don't mind taking them, i mind studying. that's what i cannot do. so if i didn't have to study, i'd be overjoyed and happy. but i know that i have to study and i know it's the right thing to do. so i have to make myself do it. AH.

"In open fields of wild flowers, she breathes the air and flies away. She thanks her jesus for the daisies and the roses in no simple language. Someday she'll understand, the meaning of it all...the tears will fall down and she'll pray, 'I want to fall in love with you'..." -Love Song for a Savior, Jars of Clay

"They say that love can heal the broken. They say that hope can make you see. They say that faith can find a savior. If you would follow and believe with faith like a child." - Like a Child, Jars of Clay